Who Needs Unsolicited Advice?

Lynne, a loyal follower of my FaceBook page, writes:

Dear Ms. LaPooch,

What do you say to your dog friends and humans who give you unsolicited advise about any and everything?

For example I am a vegetarian. I do not announce it to everyone or give people advice about what to eat. (Can you believe what humans eat?) It is really very hard not give them advice. The first thing someone says is "do you get enough protein?" They do not understand what a dumb question that is.

Please help, ZsaZsa.

Dear Lynne,

I get this kind of thing all the time. People try to give me or my guardians advice about the proper balanced meal for maintaining my svelte figure. They do not seem to give me credit for knowing when and how much to eat. Certainly I am not going to put anything into my system which might be harmful for me. I put everything to the sniff test test and then make up my mind whether or not to gobble it down.

Is this what you do? Do vegetables smell better to you than meat? I must say that I really like broccoli, especially is there is a hint of curry sauce on it.

Basically, what I think is that you need to cultivate the ability to growl and change the subject when a person or a canine tries to influence you regarding food choices. It's your life, and i want you to live it to the fullest. Enjoy every day. Go for lots of walks. Take in all the wonderful smells around you.

And take plenty of naps, too. This way you can be at your most clever when the wannabe do-gooder proffers her unwarranted advice. You can steer her right into a more important topic,  like who has the right to determine that French bull dogs are only the fifth most popular breed in Seattle!

                                                                                        Love and Licks,

Won't Shake Your Hand?


Dear Ms. LaPooch,

My guess is that you always extend your paw, any time anyone asks you to shake. Am I right?

The problem is that, occasionally, when I go to extend my hand, the person I am facing withholds his. This gets awkward and doggoned embarrassing. Is there any reason, other than bad manners, for a person to refuse to shake another person's hand?

-  Gladhand Wannabe


Dear GW,

You are correct about my extending a paw upon request. I always proffer a paw, generally in hopes that a tasty treat will reward my congeniality - UNLESS I am already in the midst of woofing a treat down. Request first; reward second is what I say.

Now with humans I understand that treats are not usually part of the exchange. I have observed refusals to shake paws, such as you describe. I suppose the refuser might have a hurt paw, or she might have been out digging in the yard for bones or whatever people dig in yards for. In either case, I should think the refusal would be accompanied by some sort of explanation, preferably given with a pleasant smile.

If there has been recent rancor between the two people involved, perhaps snarling or biting, one person may want to make up before the other is ready. I suppose the person on the making up side might consider the one not ready to make up rude, but I think that rapprochements need to be offered at just the right time. It may require another attempt later, or maybe a few words, such as: "I know you are probably still sore (about the recent bites, etc.), but I am sorry (to have bitten you, etc.), and I was hoping we could shake and let bygones be bygones. You get to be the alpha dog in this exchange, but please try to give me a break here." If that doesn't work this time, it might work the next time, especially if you have a treat in your other hand.

Does that help you?

Love and Licks,

Have a question?  Bark up at zzlapooch@gmail.com!

Can’t Remember a Name?

 Dear Ms. LaPooch,

I was at a party recently and was talking to a one of my friends.  Then, another person I knew walked up.  When I tried to introduce them to each other, I couldn’t remember the name of this other person.  I was really embarrassed.  What in the world do I do when this happens?

-     Embarrassed

Dear Embarrassed,

You are not a lone wolf.  Everyone has experienced a dilemma like this in his or her life.  Personally, I rarely forget a scent, although I have been known to get confused at times, especially when Jim or Mary take me out before I am fully awake and back on the alert. But anyway, knowing how to handle forgetting names is an essential skill of Divadom, and Divadom is what I am all about, now that I have been mentored by Nessa.

So here is what you do:

·         Honesty is the best policy here.  This might sound like, “Please tell me your name again.  I’m drawing a blank. Please forgive me.”  If you remember where you know them from or you last saw them you could add something like, “I remember seeing you at the dog park last week.” 

·         After you apologize, don’t spend time dwelling on how embarrassed you are.  Otherwise it will become uncomfortable for all parties involved.  The good news is that most of us have faced this sort of problem, be it forgetting a name or a scent. Only a mean-spirited, foul-humored canine or human would take offence.   However, this does not excuse you from working hard to remember names.

·         Also, it is important to be gracious when you are on the other side of this situation.  If you bark at other dogs when they forget what should be your familiar scent, they will most likely bark back.  Be a hero and greet the individual with your name, a smile, and a friendly pawshake.

·         Lastly, avoid playing guessing games with people’s names.  Listing a litany of names will make you look as silly as a small puppy, barking at his own reflection in a mirror.  Conversely, don’t make someone try to guess your name.  This response is just bad manners and serves nobody.

Love and Licks,

Have a question?  Bark up at zzlapooch@gmail.com!

Ignored

Dear Ms. LaPooch,

When I go shopping, the salesperson always takes care of me last even if I was there first.  I think it is because I look young.  Is it rude to say something?

-  Ignored

Dear Ignored,

It doesn’t matter what age you are – or, in my case, how low to the ground you are – no one likes to be ignored.  I definitely do not like to be ignored.  My guardians, Mary and Jim, though loving and thoughtful, are sometimes busy with their own lives and forget to take me on walks.  Sometimes others do not even know they are bypassing you.  You have every right to speak up. I stand right by the door, whining only rarely if absolutely necessary. You could try whining, too, I suppose.

The most important part of speaking up, whining, or barking is the way you do it.  You must walk the doggy tightrope and be very firm and respectful at the same time.  Remember that we train others how to treat us by the way we treat them.  You could say this, “Excuse me, I think I am next in line.  I’d like to purchase these doggy biscuits.”  Remember, a loud and contemptuous bark will only suggest to others that they ought to do the same to you.

If you find that this happens repeatedly at the same store, shop somewhere else and let the manager know in a polite note.  You – and anyone who is courteous – deserve better treatment.

Love and Licks,

Have a question?  Bark up at zzlapooch@gmail.com!

Shyness

Dear Ms. LaPooch,

I have a hard time meeting new people at parties.  I tend to be very shy around people I don’t know.  Is there anything I can do about this?

-Shy Guy

Dear Shyster,

This is a tricky one.  Believe it or not, even my Diva-self is sometimes shy with others I don’t know.  You can learn more about the steps toward the achievement of Diva-dom in my forthcoming book (which you will want to recommend to all of your friends, whether or not they are shy). Overcoming shyness is a learning process, but it is something that takes more than one trip around the dog park.

Something I do to overcome this fear is to introduce myself to someone in the group or party who is obviously not shy.  Find an outgoing person, take a deep breath and tell yourself “I can do this.”  Put one paw in front of the other, introduce yourself and extend your hand, paw, or nose to them. 

After you’ve made the initial connection, the hardest part is over. Now you can ask some open-ended questions that light that fire of conversation.  Here are just a few of my favorites:  How do you know the host? What do you like to do for fun?  What are you favorite treats? I convey my points with a variety of sounds: growls, snorts, snorfles (A French bulldog specialty), and whines.

After these questions, you hopefully can let the conversation, or the sniffing take its natural course. 

One last woof of advice, pay attention to the clues people and dogs give to you about themselves.  If I see someone carrying a tennis ball around, I could frame some questions around tennis, but mostly I hope they put the ball down, so I can grab it while they are distracted.  I think you get the point.

The thing to remember is that most people, like dogs, are genuinely curious and want to know more about new people.  So, take courage and show others who you really are. Get out there and do it!

                                                          Love and Licks,

                                                                                                                               

                                                                                                                                                                 

                                                                                                                                                

Licking at Life

Dear Ms. LaPooch,

How do you tell your friend that they have that they have a spot on the back of her shirt?

-Perplexed

Dear Purrplexed,

I think your questions centers around one larger question:  How do you go about telling friends that there is something unpleasant about them?

You’ve heard of the expression, “What are friends for?” Well, friends are for support, and when you support someone, it doesn’t only mean hanging out and having fun.  Real support means pointing out to your friend that something is wrong.

My guardians, Mary and Jim, are my true friends.   When I took them on a walk the other day, it was a rainy day in Seattle; go figure.  I wasn’t going to let a little rain stop me from relaxing in some the tall green grass.  After we get home, they pointed out a muddy smudge on my coat and removed it immediately with a Baby Wipe.  If that hadn’t done the job, Jim would probably have taken me right into the shower with him for a shampoo. And I would have let him do it. After all, a girl has to always look her best. You never know who might pop up unexpectedly, wanting to snap a quick photograph of you.

Even though I was angry and caught off guard initially for having attention called to the unwanted mark, I quickly realized that it would be even more embarrassing for me to spend the rest of my day with a brown blemish on my back, other than the très chic heart-shaped spot I was born with and display proudly, wherever I go.

Here’s one last important piece.  Break the news when the two of you are alone, and nobody else is within earshot.  Nobody likes it when the whole room has to hear about their flaws or shortcomings.

All that said, you need to tell your friend that she has a spot on her shirt, but do it in a respectful and supportive way.  In the end, she will love you for it.

                                                                 Love and Licks to you and your friend,

Have a question?  Bark up at zzlapooch@gmail.com!

Hello & Woof

Dear Divas-in-Training of the World,

I am ZsaZsa LaPooch. Surely you know who I am. I hear a lot about you from my guardians, Mary and Jim.

I am not just any dog. I am a Diva, and a real original one at that. Even though I am only five. I am very cute. I know that because, well, that is who I am. I am a highly evolved Diva at that.

I was trained by the best, my Auntie Ness. I was her apprentice and niecette-of-choice for close to a year. She taught me so many things: how to listen, how to think before I act, and how to use my natural talents in a way that helps everyone in the world. She always said, “Sometimes the family we choose is the best.” And she was almost always right about things like that.

I must tell you that I am writing this while feeling a little sad. You see, my Auntie Ness became very ill with cancer. I thought she would get better, because she was so strong. She did not. Just before she died, she told me I was very close to the end of my Diva training and that I would know when my time had arrived. She also told me I had to tell her when it happened.

Auntie Ness, I am a Diva now.

I knew I was a full of Diva-Ness the moment I decided to write this blog. You see, I used to be a therapy dog in Jim’s medical practice. My job was to calm people down and make them feel good. I received treats from them, but without realizing it at the time, I gave even more. I gave lots of love and licks. I made people feel good and created good memories for them. That is what my Auntie Ness did for me.

Now I have decided to make it my job to help you achieve the Diva-Ness she knew anyone can achieve. So, to facilitate matters, I am asking you to be my pawpal. I wouldn’t mind learning more about you.

Sincerely,

Have a question?  Bark up at zzlapooch@gmail.com!